Entry Ninety-Five

The Last entry of this batch of poems from this particular time in my life.

The fall of 2005.

What a time.

Entry Eighteen

Peering over the edge, I see true turmoil taking place. The wall that left us all blind must be parted without question.

Entry Nineteen

Sometimes my heart, crushed with a deepened bottomless ache, cannot hold all that it is meant to endure. It bursts and my blood rushes out, leaving me empty.

Entry Twenty

Ode to a Math Class - 9/23/2005

A dream.
Stifled by the clenching fist of failure.
A cold hard wind blows
Stings my eyes
Making me blind.
Straining so hard to succeed only to be beat back each and every time.
Bloody and weakened, I try again.
Gathering my reserve to have the strength to fight.
But once again, assailed by my weakness, I am left behind.
Weak and bloodied, I crawl my way back to battle.
But, to weak to care, I receive the final blow.
I fall. I fail.
A dream.
Stifled by the clenching fist of failure.

Math was undoubtedly my worst subject (at least until I discovered the horribleness of Ichthyology). I can't believe that this early on I was already this negative about it.

Entry Twenty-One

We are fast approaching the abyss. The point of no return is long since past. The only way to go is down. A falling, failing world which flails its arms in hopes of slowing its descent. We are blind. Not wanting to see what awaits. Doom. We can see it but do nothing. We lead all to this end and joy in its coming. We know. Looking on in fierce denial. To great are we to descend so far. We will never chance to dwell there. "'Tis true!" I cry unto you. We are so fat with our own indulgence that we are unable to squeeze our writhing mass down that pit of flame. Hissing tongues would taste out flesh and to them it would be bitter. So much that they say "be gone! We need none of your evil." Even those who glory in all the things of Satan would look upon us and say, "How can such a thing be so? What brings man to such disgusting obesity on the empty fat of evil?"

"Greed." I answer. "Pride and hatred. Fear and folly. Power and mindlessness."

Damnation are we. A twisted growth of filth so vile. We blind ourselves with the excrement of our souls. That which comes from out hearts is not clean, but stinking and black, oozing with evil life.

And we cannot escape. We know the way out. The way to be clean. To be good. To love, laugh, and live life as it really should be. What awaits us in the fast approaching future? The abyss, and we can do nothing now to avoid it.

Um...wow. I am pulling no punches here. I could have left this entry out. But no. This is honesty. I was filled with dark imagery and a sense of hopelessness in the fate of the world. of society. I can still see its downfall, and who can't? But really? I think I exaggerated JUST a tad.

But that's who I was in 2005. A wreck of personal emotions that needed an outlet.

But wait...there's more!

Entry Twenty-Two

Fear. A delicious sensation. A feast of blood that pumps through every inch of me. It causes a thorough scouring of everything good inside as pure animal instinct takes over. The mind is purged of all rational thought and everything goes black. Things do not slow down, as most expect. No. They accelerate to an uncontrolled speed so that nothing can be done to prevent what is going to happen.

There you have it. This has been a journey through the mind of Sarah Lambson around the time that she graduated from high school and was experiencing her first semester of college. Scary, right? I am very glad that I got over that phase.

At the same time I wish I was able to still dole out that kind of imagery and emotion. Sometimes I feel like watching Netflix and reading unintellectual books has dulled my mind to the point where I am nowhere near as creative as I used to be.

Then I think that's not really true. I'm just creative in different ways.

I hope you enjoyed this journey. More writing from the past of Me will follow in the coming weeks and months. And maybe some new stuff too.