Entry Twenty-Five

I've decided that consistency is unnecessary.

You can't catch me.

There should be two today.

Entry Twenty-Four

24. Amazing show. Not the last season so much. Everyone has their flukes.

I bite my lip too much. I think it could become a problem. That and the fact that Alice is still resisting. Is functioning too much to ask?

Ow. It hurts. She hurt me, he hurt me, I hurt myself. But for the most part the wounds are superficial. I haven't been cut deep in a long time. Something for which I am grateful.

There are several benefits to a break from classes. One is the relax time. Another would be the pressure taken off the brain. I find that my mind cooperates more when it isn't being bombarded.

I can get some things written.

"Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."

That is not me. That is good old Albert. What an amazing guy. I think it would have been cool to know him.

Entry Twenty-Three

As long as I am listing things that I am in love with, I will add Supernatural to the list. It is my one guilty pleasure.

Alice is dead. Not dead, but dying. Her face is cracked, her eye-lids get tangled. They wont last much longer. Today she started crying. This caused a lot of problems. In defiance, she cut me. She now lies dormant in the Sears/Dillards parking lot. What am I going to do?

I kept my goal.

Thank goodness it's the time of year when sleep is all relative. Lose a couple hours at night, you have time to get them back during the day.

They are both so young! I'm trying real hard to get over it.

And his hair is so short.

Just about time to slumber.

Day two...lets make it three. You'll get tired of me soon.

Entry Twenty-two

I cant stop hitting the 'm' key tonight. I also cant stop falling in love with this Mexican band SiNo.

Who wouldn't love a band with such a contradictory name?

She is of two minds. I decided this a long time ago. How did it morph from the connections of people to the comatic (yes I just made up a word to take the place of the adjective "comatose". I like mine better anyway) insanity of a tragic heroin? I know you have to let it take you where it wants to go, but seriously? I'm not sure it has the slightest clue as to where its finaly destination lies.

Time for another from another country. They call themselves the Wombats. How fun.

A bathroom sounds like a good idea. Then it's time for gray matter to take a rest. Tomorrow has to happen. It is my goal and in more than one way. If only I were strong. And dont even think about pretending you know me. No one does 100%. I garuntee that. Not even me. And that is the sad thing. Everyone else is finding themselves. I just sit here and allow ideals to crash over me. I have visions and dreams of the person I could allow mysef to become. But who has that kind of pixy dust?

Now, to the place where you cant help but feel either relaxed or relieved...aka your bathroom (and not public bathrooms at all. They are two-hundred percent feeling awkward ad uncomfortable.)

I say yes. This was good. More and I can bulid a mountain of what no one will understand in the future.

Buy Menan! Did I do that right?

Entry Twenty-One

This is what I call "Sarah Taking the Plunge". I never seem to take the time to just take an idea and go with it. I'm pretty sure that I spend most of my time simply overthinking things. I write with the intent to be perfect. Writig is rarely if ever perfect in the first stages. I usually put the first stages in a notebook. Then I tweak and SOMETIMES transfer here. I've seen all the good thats done me. How far have I gotten with that method? Almost nowhere. So this is the plan. I'm going to start typing and see where it takes me. I'm not sure where I'm going to start or stop or even what the destination is. Just know that it pertains to my more promising project Bus Stories. I have decided that Spero will just have to be put on the shelf until it's breakthrough comes along. I hope you enjoy my flurry of posting lately. It probably wont happen again. I also hope that you enjoy my attemts at getting something out there. I'm tired of running in place with the story.

Here it goes...Hold your breath.

I was first aware of a rush of slience that left my ears roaring. But only for a split second. Then to my left there was a soft beep. It was shortly followed by another, and then another. Each beep followed the one before it in a steady pattern. Like a strict regiment of soldiers keeping a slow cadence. I decided it was a good time to open my eyes. I saw a white sea with little pricks of darkness. Everything smelled like a doctors office. Too perfectly clean. I looked on my right. There was my arm and in it there was a needle. My throat closed up and the beeping picked up the pace. The pricks followed my gaze and turned to white spots as I closed my eyes again. I took several deep breaths. Assesment: I was in a hospital and they had me hooked up to an I.V. Hospital I could deal with. I.V.? That was a different matter. Needles were on the top of a very short list titled "things Rebecca cannot handle". Amusing since I had once wanted to be a veterinarian. I watited for the beeping to slow again and the spots to give into total darkness. I decided that it was safe to have another look around the room, this time avoiding my arm. It was a typical hospital room. The lights were kept dim. There were monitering machines to my left where the beeping originated from. There was a tv attached to the wall in one corner. There was a window on the right wall. No sun peeked through the closed blinds so it must still be night. Night. Why was I here anyway? I was too afraid to examine my body further in the chance I would find another needle so I tried moving my limbs. Left leg, right leg, hips. Just as I felt a stab in my left shoulder as I moved it the door to my room opened. In walked a slender brunette wearing flowerd scrubs. She held a clipboard and had a stethoscope around her neck. She looked more like a daytime drama actress than a nurse. I half expected her to say "I'm pregnant with your fathers baby and we share the same mother" or something similar. Instead she said 'Well! It' nice to see you awake miss Brighton. How are you feeling?'

I didn't have a deffinitive answer for her, so I shruged. A mistake because there was the pain in my shoulder. I hissed and winced.

'Oh, that would be your shoulder. Try not to move too much. You've sustained several injuries.'

How, when, and where were some of the questions running through my mind. The one that mattered most at the moment was...

'How?'

She looked at me in surprise.

'You mean you don't remember what happened?'

Not sure if shaking my head would cause pain I answered a simple 'No'. She frowned and took a deep breath. She opened her mouth to speak, but let the breath out instead.

'Let me go find your doctor. I'll be right back.'

Before I could argue she had wisked quietly out of the room. A minute later she came back followed by a large, heavy set man with gray hair and a bushy mustache.

'Miss Brighton! Or would you rather be called Rebecca?' he asked in a higher voice than I would expect out of a man his size.

'Becca is fine,' I answered struggeling to fight my rising unease.

'Alright, Becca. I'm Dr. Jones and this is nurse Alana. How are you feeling?'

I gave as honest an answer as I could knowing as little as I did.

'A bit groggy. Confused.'

Dr. Jones nodded his head and made some marks on the clipboard the nurse had handed him.

'Yes, Alana mentioned that you don't seem to know why you're here. You don't know how you were injured?'

'No. Not really. I'm not even sure how injured I am'

'Oh it's nothing too serious. You dislocated your shoulder, sustained some minor trauma to the left side of your head, a few other bumps and bruises. Whats the last thing that you do remember?'

I thought for a moment.

'Leaving work. Driving home...then here.'

The doctor jotted some more notes. He was silent for a significant stretch. The whole time I could hear the beeping of my heart moniter giving away my mounting fear.

'Dr. Jones, I would rather you just tell me what happened right away. I'm pretty sure the tension is killing me.'

I tried to sound light and unconcered. The oppsite of what I felt. Dr. Jones nodded his head three times. cleared his throat.

'There was a car accident invloving you and another vehicle.'

Entry Twenty

I'm engaged. That in itself would have been weird enough.

More than that it is who I am engaged to. Tall, dark hair a mess, glasses, strong jaw. No...not Harry Potter (though he very well could be the adult version). No, his name is D**** K*****. He teaches my Ecosystem Management class and until now he was just another person that rattled around in my brain.

On top of it all I am acutely aware of how little I know this man. I can't even remember when or how he proposed to me. I wish I could say that I am feeling the normal feelings of a soon to be bride. But it's hard to be sure what you feel when it's all happening so fast.

We are in a large theater. Waiting for the presentation to start. I'm not exactly sure what it's going to be over. I just know that I'm here with Dr. K*****...I mean D****. So it must be something over birds in French Polynesia. I spot someone I know. Sarah Pabst.

Now what is she doing here? I walk into the theater with D**** by my side. I go directly to Sarah who is in the nosebleed section. D**** heads closer to the front. Torn, I follow Dylan and stop him.

"I have a friend sitting up there," I whisper. Why am I whispering? "I think she might need me"I add. D**** does not say a word but takes my hand and lets me lead him the the section where Sarah is. She's not surprised that I am engaged. So why should I be?

There's still this feeling that I should know more about D****. I should remember loving him at one point. Why is this all wrong? We take our seats and the lights dim.

And then I awaken. No wonder everything was off. Since when does life in my dreams make sense? I shake my head and wonder at the strangeness of me being engaged to D**** K*****.

How embarrassing would it be if he could read peoples dreams in their eyes and he saw me being engaged to him.

I admit that I find Dr. K***** attractive, amusing, and I like his outlook on conservation. But he is far too absorbed in his work. I would need to marry someone willing to spend more than a few months in the U.S.A.

Dreams are funny windows into our complicated and shuffled minds.

Entry Nineteen

So here it is. The rough draft for the article that I am writing for Tom Tetzners photography class. So much for getting Bus Stories of the ground. I had an ephinay and that led to an almost complete remorphing of the story. Anyway more on that later. If anyone happens on this blog and decide to read this entry please feel free to give your input. It's possible that this will make it in some sort of Rhode Island newspaper or something of the sort.

The sun begins it's retreat below the horizon casting a rosy hue upon the clouds. Bank Swallows venture out to make an evening snack of the insects hovering above calm waters. The evening choir starts it's warm-up as crickets, cicadas and frogs take up the song. The calls of a few catbirds, a Belted Kingfisher and a Great blue Heron soon join the chorus. The scene is set for a beautiful evening at Trustom Pond National Wildlife Refuge.
In our developing world the beauty seen here is becoming more and more hard to find. The U.S fish ad Wildlife Service devotes itself to the conservation of these protected lands all over the country. It's purpose is to create a balance between nature the it's rapidly changing environment. The key to this balance is breaching the gap between our nations natural habitats and the surrounding communities. What better way to start than with the future generation.
One goal of the Fish and Wildlife Service and the National Refuge System is to instill a sense of the wonder of nature in young minds. The best way to accomplish this is to connect our children directly with the habitats that they will one day help to conserve. The class that Tom Tetzner teaches does exactly that. He combines and active field aspect with the art of photography. This creates an activity that gets kids excited about getting outdoors and interacting with the natural world around them.
This class consists of 2 hour sessions taking place at several of the wildlife refuges located in Rhode Island. I, as an intern for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service was asked by Tom to accompany them to bring a more biological aspect the class. I have only had the chance to accompany them o 4 of these trips. What I have experienced has been priceless. A group of 6-10 children and several adults follow Tom as he takes them from forests and shrublands, to vernal pools and salt ponds. The knowledge he has gained as a former scout master provides the perfect background for the exploration of the ecosystems we enter. I have the privilege of providing Tom with a biological background concerning the plants and animals within them.
It's wonderful to see the children scatter too and fro around the vernal pool at Kettle Pond visitor Center. They excitedly dip their nets into the murky water catching all sorts of critters: Spotted Salamander larvae, wood frog tadpoles ad to everyone’s delight and adult Green Frog. Everyone gathers in a circle as I gently place the freshly caught specimen on the leafy ground. He actually seems to pose as the cameras click and lash. Each child and parent is trying to get the best picture they can before the frog hops away. Plastic bins bearing water are filled with the afternoons fruitful findings. Water beetles, Dragonfly nymphs, salamanders and frogs all swirl in the shallow pools. Not only do the kids get to take pictures of what they see, they get to touch and feel them. This provides them with an exciting hands on experience that they cant seem to stop talking about as we take the trail back to the visitor center.
These kids don't only learn to take picture of wildlife. Tom teaches them about landscape photos and taking shots of the beautiful plant life as we walk the trails at Ninigret Wildlife Refuge. At Ninigret pond they get the take underwater pictures of crabs and jellyfish as well as learn how to fish for clams. Everyone has so much to learn from Tom about photography and about nature. He takes walks just about every day to observe nature and capture it's beauty. The pictures these walks yield are stunning. The knowledge and experience he shares creates a wonderful learning experience for his young students.
Getting people interested in nature and it's conservation is very important to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. The Rhode Island refuge system is lucky to have such and active volunteer program devoted to sharing it's 5 refuges with the world. Tom Tetzners efforts are the mark of a truly devoted volunteer and he hopes in future years to expand his photography class to all ages and further spread a love and appreciation of the natural world around us.